I remember the exact moment when I realized what it meant to be a mother.
My son was about 18 months old and he needed a small procedure which required general anesthesia. The doctor told me matter-of-factly that on the day of the operation, I was expected to hand my son over the nurses who would take my son into the operating room where anesthesia would be administered.
From Disney Pixar’s Animated Film “Brave”
Me: Well, I’d like to be with my son until his eyes close.
Doctor: We find its best a parent not be there at that point.
Me: Well, I would prefer to be there.
Doctor: Well, that’s not possible…hospital regulations…blah, blah, blah
I am a people-pleaser by nature so this conversation was really challenging for me. I negotiated, cajoled, complimented – used everything in my people-pleaser arsenal to make him see things my way, but no dice.
It became obvious that if I was going to be in that operating room while they administered the happy gas, I was going to have to piss off a few people…And piss them off I did (with the help of an amazing patient advocate).
When we arrived at the hospital the day of the procedure, I could see the front desk person whisper to someone after I gave her my name.
I was escorted back and when I told the nurse I had received permission to go into the operating room and to please give me a gown she said:
“Oh we know EXACTLY who you are. We’ll have your gown in a minute.”
She was pissed. In fact, everyone I met was seriously displeased with me.
As I took this all in, I was surprised to realize it didn’t bother me in the least. In fact, I was kind of enjoying it.
Had the people-pleaser in me suddenly been put to rest?
Just then my son crawled up into my lap. He was (is) a “spirited” child by nature but in the oversized hospital gown he looked small and vulnerable. My heart ached for no reason in particular.
In that moment, I realized I would do anything for this child. ANYTHING. My people pleaser was alive and well but even she said “Fu*k You!” to someone who put our son at risk.
And that is when I realized what it means to be a mother. It is the love. It is the big, brave, tear-filled, joyous love you can only have for your child that makes you a mother.
That love makes me a better person.
That love makes me strong.
That love makes me…”mom.”
Every single one of us is the same, us moms. We have our good days. We have our bad days but always we love.
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Patty,
This was a beautiful story. You touched my heart in so many ways. I too felt the same way when my son had surgery on his tonsils, adenoids and ears. Seeing your little one so vulnerable sets off every mommy emotion there is.
You certainly lost your “people pleaser” title and became “supermom.” You’re a wonderful mom and a true inspiration to other moms!
Warmly,
Jill
Thanks Jill!
Well if I’m supermom (and that is highly debatable) then everyone of us is supermom right? That doesn’t mean I don’t scream my head off some days. Or get some things wrong but when it comes down to it I’d walk through fire for both my kids and I haven’t met a single mom who wouldn’t. I guess that does make us pretty super!
Oh Patty, that was so beautiful!
I find it hard sometimes to explain to people without kids how deep a mother’s love runs – yes,I’d run into a burning building for them, yes, I’d make a stand like a mamabear even in the face of something scary.
But your story – especially the part where your heart ached for no reason – is reminding me of just how infinite the well of love is for our wee babbies.
Much love to you too!
Thank you Jody. That depth is almost hard to understand even as a mother. Yet its there. It just keeps flowing, right?
Here. Reading. Just wanted you to know. Good stuff for the hopper.
Is it no wonder the world is broken when a child doesn’t have someone who loves him or her this much? Pam Leo says a child needs at least one person who does.
A time when I became a raging Mama Bear doesn’t immediately come to mind. But, there is another kind of moment when a mom or dad can walk through fire to protect her child. This one I am more familiar with. It’s when the fire is my own anger and I have to walk through it myself so that I pick up my own child and carry him away from it. This is a strength that so many parents today need encouragement for. It’s a “small” thing, but ever so important, too. This love comes in so many forms.
Rachel – Thank you for being here. It is no small thing to walk through the fire of anger and certainly when it is motivated by the love of a child. I bow to your grace. Thank you for sharing…
[...] Lennon sent out a link to her blog post What It Means to Be a Mother and prefaced the post by saying, “What I have found as I’ve explored what feels like a [...]